So Much For A Happy Ending
by Ashbo
Summary: This takes place after "Accidents Will Happen" from Summer Season '04. Craig's got emotional overload. Sadness, anger, depression, the works. New girl comes to school, can she help him overcome these feelings of pain? how will everyone else feel?
1. Introductions

I DO NOT OWN ANY DEGRASSI: TNG CHARACTERS  
  
As he sat on his bed, alone in his room, Craig starred out his window in fixation. Watching the kids across the street play with chalk and what not. He thought to himself. "Keep playing. Keep laughing. It will eventually end. You will stop laughing. It gets taken away. Everything gets taken away. Everything…" Flashbacks of his abusive father, his gothic girlfriend, his slutty girlfriend, and the baby she aborted ran through his mind like a marathon runner. Silent tears pooled in his eyes, ran down his cheeks, and dropped off from his chin onto the floor. Pulling at his hair he screamed in frustraion. "EVERYTHING GETS TAKEN AWAY!!!!" He kicked his night stand as hard as he could, and the lamp fell to the floor, shattering. And he suddenly realized that is how he felt. Like he had been kicked and then shattered. After realizing the mess and noise he made, he was thankful Joey wasn't home. He had taken Angela to the park about ten minutes ago. They wouldn't be back for awhile. He cleaned up his mess while thinking of an eexcuse for the lamp being broken. Speaking aloud, like he usually did, "I'll tell Joey I slipped and fell. Easy." After cleaning up, he looked at the clock, 8:30. He had school tomorrow. And he was tired. Nothing wrong with going to bed early. It would leave him alone to his thoughts. As he began to fall asleep, he heard Joey and Angie come home…  
  
In his dreams, Craig was being chased. By guilt. And anger. Saddness. Depression. They had no form, but they were there. Right behind him. The closer they got, the more he could feel it. The more he felt like dying instead of dealing with these emotions that could destroy him. A loud noise began chasing him too. It wouldn't go away…as he drifted awsay from sleep, he realized. It was his…alarm. 6:30 on the nose. He smacked the snooze button and reluctantly arose from his bed. Quickly hoping in and out the shower, he skipped breakfast, because he felt so sick from his dream, and decided to walk to school.  
  
Arriving at school, he saw Spinner and Marco sitting on the steps. Spin, as usual, eating. It Didn't look like eating though. It was too…disgusting to call it that. Craig shook his head and sat down with his friends.  
  
"Hey, man." Spinner said with a mouthful of bean burrito.  
  
"…eh? Right, hey."  
  
Marco caught that hesitation. "Something on your mind man?"  
  
"Nah."  
  
Spinner paide no attention as the two carried on their conversation. He didn't even notice when they went inside.  
  
"C'mon Craig. You're lying."  
  
"Marco, I'm fine. Really. Just not a lot of sleep, okay?"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
The bell rang and the two friends departed to separate homerooms. Craig's homeroom teacher was Mr. Simpson, the Media Immersion teacher. As he sat down next to Jimmy, he didn't really notice anything. Until, that is, Mr. Simpson decided to interuppt Craig's thought.  
  
"Excuse me, class! Attention. We have a new student here. Why don't you introduce yourself?"  
  
The girl seemed a bit disinclined to speak in front of class, but she knew better than to argue with a teacher.   
  
"My name is Michelle. Michelle McCarthy."  
  
Mr. Sumpson looked pleased.  
  
"Well Michelle, on behalf of all of Degrassi, welcome, and I hope you enjoy it here. Now, class, anybody have an open seat next to them?"  
  
About a dozen students raised their hands.  
  
"Anyone of you willing to show Michelle around?"  
  
11 people put their hands down, leaving only one.  
  
"Ah, Ellie! Thanks, I'm sure she will get it down with help from you."  
  
As the new girl went to find her seat by Ellie, she could feel everyone looking at her. She could also feel guys…checking her out. Which made her uncomfortable. Craig, being one of these guys. In his mind, he decided she was very pretty, close to gorgeous. Blonde hair, length of Ashley's (painful comparision). She was also quite tall. He would guess 5'8, or even 5'9. She had a uniquie style. Kind of rocker-like, but also mixed in was a bit of prep. He determined this by the fact that she did have a stripped polo shirt on, but was sporting torn jeans and, his favorite, Chuck Taylor All-Star Shoes. As she sat down next to Ellie, he leaned over to Jimmy to tell him what he thought.  
  
"So, Jimmy. Thought's on uh…miss Michelle?"  
  
"Dude, I have a girlfriend. But…(with a grin) she is fine."  
  
"Exactly what I thought."  
  
When Michelle was situated, Ellie introduced herself.   
  
"I'm Ellie Nash."  
  
With a smile, Michelle replied, "Michelle McCarthy."  
  
"So, Michelle, where did you move from?"  
  
"Michigan, actually."  
  
"Wow. Whole new country, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. Kinda weird. And kind of not."  
  
"Well, I'd ask you to eat lunch with me, but I have to leave that hour for my Co-op."  
  
The bell rang and homeroom was over. Ellie lead Michelle to her locker, gave her directions to her next class, and then left. As Michelle started pulling out a notebook for her next class, she saw a boy with fluffy dark hair pull her locker all the way open. She raised her eyebrow to his goofy smile.  
  
"Hi! I'm Craig. Sorry for ease dropping, but I heard Ellie giving you directions to your next class. Miss Kwan's English, right?"  
  
"..right.." Michelle wasn't sure where he was going with this.  
  
"Well, it so happens that I have that class next. Let me walk you?"  
  
"uh..sure.."  
  
She was a bit uneasy, but the boy seemed nice, so, what the hell, right? They continued a conversation right into Miss Kwan's class.  
  
"So yeah, I just moved here from the States."  
  
"That's cool."  
  
Michelle looked around as she entered the classroom. She had no clue where to sit, and she was so terrified of sitting in the wrong seat, she froze. Craig saw she was a little disturbed. He touched her arm to get her attention.  
  
"We can sit where ever we want. I was new a few years ago. If you don't want to shuffle around looking for a seat, you can come sit by me."  
  
Michelle nodded and followed the cute boy called Craig, sitting in the seat next to him.  
  
WILL UPDATE NEW CHAPTER EVERDAY. PLEASE R&R 


	2. Admissions to Self

As the last bell of the day rang, Craig was relieved to finally be able to go home and well…do absolutely nothing. He enjoyed doing nothing, it was a manly thing. Not. He pulled his homework out of his locker and stuffed it into his bag as Jimmy and Marco passed by, saying they would see him tomorrow, and Craig responded with the same words. He grabbed his leather jacket and headed out the school doors. It was beginning to get a bit cold out, so he put on his coat, stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked home. It was a long walk, so he had time to think about what happened that day, as he does everyday. He thought about the new girl, Michelle. She was nice. Quiet, but that was expected, being the new girl and all. Girl. Girls. Manny. Ashley. Manny. Baby. Abortion. Ashley. Hate. Lies. Betrayal. This was how fast Craig's train of thought moved, and these were the subjects aboard. He still couldn't get over what he had been taken away. Dad. Abuse. Dad. Dead. Gone. Even though his dad abused him, there was something about the way he had died…no, not the way he had died. But the fact that he was gone. Even though Craig hated the man, he still hated even more the fact that he had died without asking Craig if it was okay. That may sound crazy, but that is how Craig felt. And he began to cry.  
  
"Stop it, you pansy!" he yelled out loud to himself.  
  
"Don't you fucking cry1 Not again!" He put both hands on his head and pulled at his hair in defeat from himself.  
  
"cough….Craig?"  
  
Craig realized that wasn't his voice. It was too high-pitched. He whipped around. Standing five feet in front of him was none other than Michelle, bundled up in a fuzzy blue coat, that really made her look innocent.  
  
As Michelle looked him over, she knew something was wrong. She had heard him yell, but didn't know what he yelled or why. The look on his face was distraught. His eyes were puffy. Red. Signs of crying. She barely knew this guy, and that made the moment awkward.  
  
"Craig? Are…are you um...okay? Because I…I head yelling, and I thought-"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just…it wasn't me."  
  
"Oh. Um, sorry. For bugging you."  
  
She looked down at her feet in embarrassment. Craig wondered why he lied to her.  
  
"So…where are you going?"  
  
Michelle looked up.   
  
"I'm heading home, I don't live too far from school, so, you know, I walk. What about you?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm walking too. Do you want to…uh…walk with me?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
The began walking and started talking about school. Craig was asking Michelle how her first day went, and how she liked it. If she made friends, and how her classes went.  
  
"Actually," she said, "I kind of need some help with geometry. I am so horrible with math, and I'm really far behind. Do you think-"  
  
"I can help you!" He said before he let her finish her sentence.  
  
"Great! How about…tomorrow after school? Library?"  
  
"Sounds fine!"  
  
They walked in silence for a few minutes, then Michelle broke the quietness.  
  
"Oh, hey, this is my house."  
  
"oh, okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Michelle began walking up the stairs, and turned around.  
  
"Craig?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks for walking with me. And…it's none of my business, but whatever it is, you're going to be fine."  
  
She smiled, and with that, she walked into her house. Craig had a strange feeling about her. Like she was different from everyone else. She knew. She understood. She was someone he could…someone he could trust. He just knew that one day, he could tell her. Tell her absolutely everything that has been crossing his mind the past few months, as an attempt to talk about it and get if off of his chest. And he knew she wouldn't judge him. She could help him. For the first time in a long time, he smiled to himself. This could be the beginnings of a beautiful friendship.  
  
When Michelle got home, she tossed her bag nest to the coat rack and ran upstairs to jump on her computer and talk to her friends from the States and update her LiveJournal and all that good stuff. As she was walking to her room, her brother, Alex, came out of his room.  
  
"How was school, dumbass?"  
  
"Leave me alone."  
  
"C'mon, I'm just having fun. You didn't embarrass yourself did you? Oh, why am I even asking. Once an idiot, always an idiot."  
  
"At least I'm not twenty and still living with my mom."  
  
He walked toward her quickly and shoved her hard, and she mad a thud as she hit the wall. He smirked and went back into his room, but not before making one last comment.  
  
"Mom won't be home until late, she said make your own dinner. Or, in your case, DON'T make your own dinner, you could use a day or two of no eating, tubby."  
  
Michelle kept herself from crying from her brother's rude and harsh comments. She went into her room and shut the door. Then locked it. She went and looked in the mirror. She thought aloud to herself.  
  
"He's right. Look at you. You are fat. Fat under your chin, fat on your stomach, legs…fucking fat everywhere! Lose some damn weight!"  
  
After yelling at herself, she collapsed in tears. Right there where she collapsed, in front of her dresser, is where she fell asleep. At 11, her mom came home from work and came in to check on Michelle. Not wanting to disturb her, she just put a blanket over her daughter and set her alarm clock for her.  
  
A couple of blocks away, Craig was still up. But tonight, he wasn't haunted by bad thoughts. At least, not a lot of them. He was deciding for himself that he was going to turn around his look on life, and Michelle was going to help him. They were going to help each other. Well…at least he was going to help her with homework, and she was going to help him in a more personal sense. But at least they'd both get something from this friendship. He just has to make sure no one fills her in on how much every girl at Degrassi hates him and why. He can tell that to her later. Better she hear it from him than…well…Ash or Manny. 


	3. Let's Play Keep Away

Michelle spent extra time getting ready this morning. Took twenty more minutes doing her hair and make-up, and changed her outfit six times! But for what? Or...for who rather?  
  
"Craig, hi!"  
  
"Hi Craig!"  
  
"Craig…what's shakin'?"  
  
She was practicing ways to say hello to Craig. In her mind, she thought she was crazy, but she ran over various ways of introducing herself this morning. I've has only known him for one day, she thought, but yesterday…he was so nice! And then when I saw him walking home…that was an intense moment. I saw him. I REALLY saw him. Shields down. And I swear he was crying. I know he was crying. Michelle's mom yelled up the stairs.  
  
"Michelle! Breakfast is getting cold!"  
  
Michelle looked in the mirror. No breakfast today.  
  
"Not hungry mom! Be down in a few minutes!"  
  
Alex poked his head in her room.  
  
"Ya know loser, no matter what you do, nothing is going to hide how hideous you are."  
  
Michelle threw a shoe at him and he went away. She looked in the mirror one last time. As good as it gets, she decided. She grabbed her coat and headed downstairs.  
  
"Hey mom, is it time to go yet?"  
  
"Just about! Go get in the car."  
  
"Oh, by the way ma, I'm going to the library after school, I made a friend that can help me catch up in my math class."  
  
"Good for you hunny! Now let's go!"  
  
As Michelle stepped out of the car and stood in front of Degrassi High, she was ready. For real, this time. As she started to climb the steps, she saw Craig, he waved. She smiled. And she started heading in that direction. Until someone grabbed her shoulder and twirled her around.  
  
Craig's eyes got big. Oh no! Ash and Ellie are going to make her HATE ME!! Nooooo!!!! He thought.  
  
"I wouldn't hang out with him, if I were you." Ellie said.  
  
"Hey Ellie. Who? You mean Craig?"  
  
"Yeah, Craig." Piped in the girl standing next to Ellie.  
  
Michelle raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry…do I know you? I'm knew, my name is Michelle."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I'm Ashley. And Ellie's SO right. Don't hang with him."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because-"  
  
Ashley never got finish her sentence, because Craig ran up to the three, grabbed Michelle, and pulled her away. He ran a hand through his curly black hair as soon as they got to their lockers. That was a close one! He thought to himself.  
  
"Craig. What. The Heck."  
  
"I'm…sorry? I just uh….wanted to say hey before the bell rang."  
  
"okay, one, the bell doesn't ring for ten more minutes, two, you could say hi to me in homeroom. What's going on?"  
  
Craig looked a bit uneasy, as if he didn't want to say what he knew he had to. He took a deep breath, and attempted to relax.  
  
"Michelle, can we go sit down somewhere?"  
  
"Um, sure."  
  
They went into the Zen Garden where they were the only ones there, and sat on the bench.  
  
"Okay, so the reason I pulled you away from Ash and Ellie was because I didn't want them to tell you anything bad about me."  
  
"Why would they have something bad to say about you? Why would anyone?"  
  
"Michelle, you just met me yesterday. You don't know me very well. Let's just say that…I hurt Ashley last year. Pretty bad."  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"Yeah…"  
  
The bell rings and Craig and Michelle jump.  
  
"Oh my gosh Craig, it is going to take us forever to get to Mr. Simpson's room!"  
  
"We run."  
  
They jumped up and burst through the Zen Garden doors. Racing down the hallway, they were kind of being rude and shoving people out of their way. Turning a corner, Michelle ran into the water fountain and the girl at it. Hard.  
  
"Uh! What's the big idea?" The girl said.  
  
"Sorry!" Michelle yelled as she got up and ran to catch up with Craig.  
  
There were less and less students in the hallway, which meant the bell was going to ring very very soon. Just as it was beginning to ring, Craig could see the door.  
  
"Speed up Michelle!!" He yelled frantically.  
  
Just as they reached the door, Mr. Simpson was about to shut it.  
  
"You guys are late, I shouldn't let you in."  
  
"C'mon Mr. Simpson, the girl is new, it isn't her fault." Someone inside the class said.  
  
"Alright, alright. But not again, okay?"  
  
Michelle and Craig came into the classroom huffing and puffing. Michelle sat down next to Ellie.  
  
"Hey Ellie. You going to be around for lunch?"  
  
"Definitely. I can introduce to um…GOOD people to hang out with. Like I was trying to say earlier, why were you hanging with Craig?"  
  
"Well, his locker is next to mine and he's been really nice to me."  
  
"You don't want to get close to him, Michelle."  
  
"…okay. Then I won't."  
  
Michelle was about to say something else, but Mr. Simpson looked there way as if he were to tell them to stop talking. The bell rang, meaning homeroom was officially over. Ellie went to Michelle's locker with her. While they were talking, Craig pulled Michelle's locker all the way open once again so he could say something.  
  
"Hey Michel-"  
  
He didn't get to finish what he was going to say before Michelle shut her locker and went off with Ellie. Craig' face fell. This sucks. They got to her! He thought to himself. When he got to Ms. Kwan's class, Michelle was already there. Craig went and sat next to her.  
  
"So what was that all about?"  
  
Michelle looked behind her, to make sure Ashley wasn't looking at her.  
  
"I'll tell you after school, okay?"  
  
At lunch, Michelle found Ellie right away. Ellie brought her over to a table full of girls.   
  
"Okay. Everyone. This is Michelle. Michelle, this is Ashley, Paige, and Hazel. Not only are we friends, but we are also in a band together."  
  
"Awesome."  
  
Michelle just remembered something. The one called Paige is the girl she ran into while running through the halls. At lunch, all the girls were really nice to Michelle, and really funny too. They all got along great. But every now and then Michelle would look over at Craig, and see him looking at her. She would mouth the word "sorry" and continue talking with the girls.   
  
"So Michelle," Hazel said, "I'm having a party next Friday. You should definitely come!"  
  
"Alright! I'll be there." Michelle said with a smile.  
  
After school Craig met Michelle at her locker. They both got there homework without saying a word. Michelle was done first, so she waited for Craig. When he was finished they went to the library and found a table off to the back in the corner.  
  
"Craig. I'm sorry. You must think I'm horrible. You have been so nice to me these first few days, and I completely blew you off."  
  
"Michelle, no offense, but it's okay, and I don't care, because we aren't so tight, you and I. I just met you yesterday."  
  
"Right."  
  
"anyways, after this, do you wanna come to my house and meet my band? They wanna meet you."  
  
"Sure. Now let's get to this geometry!"  
  
"Craig, I can't believe we got kicked out of the library for making too much noise!" Michelle said with a laugh.  
  
"I know, crazy isn't it? Oh hey, this is my house."  
  
They went into the garage and Spinner, Jimmy, and Marco were already there.  
  
"Hey dude you're late and- -…Oh, you brought a lady friend."  
  
"Shut up, Spinner. Guys, this is Michelle. Michelle, that's Spinner back there on the drums," Spinner waved, "Marco on the bass," Marco said hey quietly, "And that's Jimmy."  
  
"Nice to meet you guys." She turned to Craig. "Thanks for helping me, but I gotta get home. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Okay. See ya!"  
  
When Michelle left, the guys started talking. Spinner first.  
  
"Whoa. She is a hot one. You sure know how to pick them."  
  
Marco laughed. "Yeah Craig, if I wasn't gay….well…never mind. She's hot."  
  
"She should watch her back, Ash and Manny are going to kill her." Jimmy said.  
  
Och, don't give Craig those bad thoughts. Ash. Manny./ Baby. Gone. Taken. It was mine. No one asked. I hate them. I hate myself.  
  
"You guys, calm down. She's a friend, I've known her for like…two days!"  
  
"uh-huh."  
  
Once the guys left, Craig went inside.  
  
"Hey! Joey, Angie, I'm home!"  
  
"Craig, dinner's ready!" Joey yelled.  
  
Craig sat down and ate quickly. He talked briefly about school, mentioned a new girl, gave Angie a hug, and ran upstairs. He layed on his bed and stared at the ceiling, talking to himself.  
  
"What are you doing, Craig? You've known the girl for two days, don't get pissed off because she mad other friends. She can't be taken away from you because she isn't yours! But she will be, because everything gets taken away from you, you worthless piece of shit. You aren't good enough to keep around."  
  
He yelled in frustration and squeezed out some tears before yelling at himself again.  
  
"Don't cry! You always do that! Stop it! No wonder everyone leaves! They don't get taken away! THEY LEAVE!!!" He collapsed onto his bed in sobs and curled up into a ball. He was breaking. Destroying himself. Punishing himself. But it wasn't good enough. This was not a good enough punishment to him. No, something had to be done. Permanently. 


	4. Tea Party!

After school the next day, Craig walked home with Michelle. Right before she went inside, he stopped her.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? My step-dad Joey wants to meet you."  
  
It seemed as if Michelle had to think about it, and then she said, "Okay! What time should I come over?"  
  
"Seven is good. See you then!" Craig said and then ran off.  
  
As he ran all the way home, Craig wondered why he did that. Then he knew. He didn't want to lose her. Lose her? She isn't mine to lose! I just want…I want someone to trust and trust me back. I need something real. I want to feel again. I feel so dead inside, I need someone to…to….I don't know. I just need someone. And she could easily turn against me so early on in our friendship. Got to keep her close.  
  
Michelle went into her kitchen as soon as she got home.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
Her mom stood up. She had been ruffling through the cupboards.  
  
"Yes, dolly?"  
  
"A friend, Craig Manning, invited me over for dinner tonight. He only lives a few blocks away. I don't have too much homework, I got a lot done at school. My chores are finished too. Is alright if I go?"  
  
"Yes, sure. Just be home by…nine o' clock, okay?"  
  
"Okay! Thank you!"  
  
Michelle ran up to her mother and gave her a hug, then ran upstairs into her room. She needed to find something nice to wear. This was going to take awhile. She was rustling through her closet when the phone rang. She answered it after the first ring.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, is Michelle there?"  
  
"This is."  
  
"Hi! This is Paige. Michalchuk? We met at lunch?"  
  
"Yeah, I remember! I gave you all my phone number. What's up?"  
  
"Well Hun, Ash was telling me how you have been spending your first few days with Craig?"  
  
"Before you say anything, I just want to clear something up. I have been here for only three days. I don't want to cause trouble. There is some tension between Ash and Craig, I know that, but I hold nothing against him, and until he gives me a reason to, then I'm going to be friends with him. I hope that means I still be friends with you and Ash and everyone else who hates Craig."  
  
Paige let out a sigh.  
  
"That's fine. For now. See you tomorrow Hun!"  
  
Click.  
  
Why was she calling me hun? And more importantly…I've already screwed up. I must be doing something wrong. I don't like this game of keep away, it isn't cool.  
  
Two and a half hours later, Michelle had finally decided on an outfit. A white-collared shirt with vertical black stripes that goes to the elbow, and brown stripped pants. She decided she looked nice. She headed down stairs and grabbed her coat. Someone pushed her from behind.  
  
"Have a nice time at your friend's house, loser." Her brother said.  
  
Michelle just sighed and left. When she got to Craig's front door, she was shaking. Not from the cold, from her nerves. She rang the door bell. A bald, middle-aged looking man answered the door.  
  
"Hi! You must be Michelle! I'm Joey, Craig's step dad."  
  
They shook hands.  
  
"Thank you for having me over to your house for dinner."  
  
"You are more than welcome."  
  
Joey went over to the stairs and yelled up them.  
  
"Craig! Your friend is here!"  
  
A little girl with black curly hair like Craig's came from another room. She spoke with a curious voice.  
  
"Ohhhh, daddy she's pretty! Are you Craig's girlfriend?"  
  
Michelle blushed and Craig came racing into the room.  
  
"No, I'm just his friend, my name is Michelle."  
  
Craig put a hand on Angie's shoulder.  
  
"This is my little sister Angie. You can put your coat over there."  
  
"Thanks for having me over Craig. Your house is really nice."  
  
"Yeah, it's not too bad, is it? Wow. I just noticed something. You dressed up. You didn't mean to do that."  
  
Once again, Michelle blushed, and Joey saw she was uncomfortable.  
  
"Hey, let's eat! I made a big dinner."  
  
"Joey…." Craig said with aggravation.  
  
Michelle put a hand on Craig's shoulder.  
  
"It's okay! I'm hungry."  
  
The later it got, the more awkward Michelle felt. Not that she wasn't comfortable with Craig and his family, but she knew she had to go home soon, and she didn't know how to say that without sounding desperate to leave. So when Angie, Craig and Joey were finally in the room at the same time, she took that chance.  
  
"Thank you again for having me over for dinner, Craig. And Joey, it really was great. But I should get going, my mom wants me home at a certain time."  
  
"Alright, I'll drive you." Joey offered.  
  
"No, that's really okay. I wouldn't want to impose. Besides, I live not to far from here."  
  
Joey smiled.  
  
"Alright, if you insist."  
  
Angie tugged on Joey's pants.  
  
"Daddy? Is Michelle going home? I want her to stay…forever!"  
  
"Ang, she doesn't live here, she can't stay forever. But, I have an idea. Michelle, Craig is babysitting Angie this Saturday. It would be great if you could come over and help."  
  
Craig looked embarrassed.  
  
"I'd love to! But I really do have to go now. See you tomorrow, Craig!"  
  
"Yeah!…Bye…?"  
  
Craig went upstairs quickly. He ran to his room and looked out the window. He watched as Michelle walked farther and farther away, and then out of sight.  
  
Saturday rolled around sooner than Craig thought it would. He was nervous. And he found that very weird. He was just going to have a friend over, nothing to be nervous about. Besides, it wasn't a date. Not even close. Especially since Joey had set it up. He was just going to get help babysitting. Craig looked into the living room to make sure Angie was being good. She was sitting there coloring, like usual. Craig kept looking at his watch over and over. It was 5:10. Michelle should be there any minute. As he stood in the kitchen and waited, he let his mind drift a bit. Not too far off though. No, his mind was focused on a girl. And slowly, the image came into his mind. It was Michelle, walking towards him. And then smiling. And then saying something…but he couldn't make out what she was saying…and that's when he realized that he wasn't daydreaming, but Michelle was actually standing in front of him. Angie must have let her when Craig started spacing out.  
  
"Helloooo? Anybody in there? Craaaaiiiig?"  
  
"Wha….oh, sorry! Just lost myself for a minute."  
  
"Happen a lot to you, doesn't it?"  
  
Craig let out a wimpy laugh.  
  
"Yeah...sure…as much as the next person anyways."  
  
Angie's shrill voice came into hearing.  
  
"Craig! I want to play tea party with Michelle!"  
  
Michelle grabbed Angie's hand.  
  
"Alright! Craig, we'll be upstairs for a little bit."  
  
"Umm…okay…"  
  
Craig may have felt a little bit left out, but that's ok, he thought as he watched the girl he cant' stop thinking about and his sister run up the stairs.  
  
About a half hour later, Craig called up the stairs.  
  
"Angie! Michelle! Food is ready!"  
  
They both came racing down the stairs. Angie continued into the kitchen, while Michelle stopped so she could talk to Craig.  
  
"Mmm…smells good. Are you quite the chef?"  
  
"I am, I am. Tell her Angie!"  
  
As Angie shoved a spoonful of Macaroni and Cheese into her mouth, she looked up.  
  
"Craig makes the best macaroni!"  
  
She went back to scarfing down her food. Craig and Michelle soon joined her.  
  
"Alright, dinner is done with, now what?" Angie asked.  
  
"How about…we watch a movie. Go pick one out. I'm going to help Craig clean up" Michelle said.  
  
Angie hoped off her stool and ran into the living room in search of a movie.  
  
"Michelle, you don't need to help me."  
  
"It's alright, I want to. I'm good at it. Besides, you cook, the least I can do is help clean."  
  
"but you're already helping me baby-sit."  
  
"You never give up, do you Manning?"  
  
Craig smiled. "Nope."  
  
Michelle grabbed the hose on the sink and sprayed him.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"What are you gonna do about it?"  
  
"I'm gonna…"  
  
"Craig! Michelle! The movie is starting! We're gonna watch Beauty and the Beast!"  
  
Michelle ran into the living room, followed by Craig, and sat down on the couch.  
  
SORRY I WAITED SO LONG TO UPDATE  
  
By the time the movie was over, Angie was fast asleep in Craig's lap, so Michelle and Craig had to whisper.  
  
"I'm going to carry her up to bed, okay? Joey should be home in an hour." Craig said.  
  
Michelle didn't bother to speak, she just gave him the okay sign. A couple of minutes later, Craig was tip-toeing down the stairs trying not to make any noise. He went back over to the couch and sat down next to Michelle who was flipping through the channels.  
  
"So…are you going to Hazel's party?" Craig asked.  
  
"Yep. Are you? I mean, I figured since Hazel is good friends with Ashley, you wouldn't be invited…"  
  
"yeah, but Hazel's boyfriend Jimmy is a good friend of mine, so I got in like that."  
  
"I guess you know all the right people."  
  
He looked over at her.  
  
"I do now…..anyways, I was wondering, do you wanna go with me? I mean, like as friends, not as a date or anything, because that would jus--"  
  
"Craig. You're babbling. That'd be great. No one wants to show up at a party alone."  
  
"Yeah…"  
  
By now Craig was starring into her eyes and just couldn't look away. Michelle was flipping channels anymore. She had turned so she could look at Craig.  
  
"Craig…I'm really glad I met you. You are like no one else I've ever met."  
  
"wow…that's gotta be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I'm glad I met you too. You aren't like the girls at Degrassi. I think we need more Americans up here."  
  
Somehow while they were talking, they had gotten closer. Michelle's eyes were frantically darting back in forth, trying to look into both of Craig's eyes. Her hand found a resting place on top of his, which was resting on his knee. Craig started leaning in and closed his. Michelle took a quick gulp. She knew what this meant. She closed her eyes too, and started leaning. Just as her top lip grazed Craig's bottom lip, she put a hand on Craig's shoulder to stop him from leaning in any farther.  
  
"Craig…" She whispered, eyes still closed.  
  
"This is wrong. We have something. But this will ruin it."  
  
She opened her eyes to find Craig starring at her.  
  
"I'm so sorry Craig, I should go."  
  
She jumped off the couch and ran out the door so he couldn't see her cry. As she was shutting the door, she didn't hear him whisper a plea for her to stay.  
  
"Don't…leave me…" Tears fell from Craig's eyes. But this time he was too distraught over what just happened to go into self destructive mode. That could wait til morning. 


	5. Let Him Cry

For all of Sunday, Craig didn't do anything but hold the phone in his hands, and stare at it. I should call her. He thought. I should call and apologize to Michelle. But did I really do anything wrong? She was into it just as much as I was. But, as most girls do, she stopped. She wants to save the 'friendship'. Who the hell would be crazy enough to be friend's with me? Maybe she was just letting me down gently. Maybe this was her way of telling me to stay away from her forever. Yeah. That's it. She finally got smart. She caught on quick. To stay away. Forever. Because everyone leaves. She was just quicker than the others. All of a sudden the phone rang and Craig threw it against the wall. No one was home to hear it. So after he was satisfied with it smashing to bits and pieces, like his heart, he laid down on his bed and went to sleep. For the rest of the day.  
  
Over at Michelle's house, she was trying to call Craig. But after her first try, it just stopped going through. I bet no one is home. I just hope Craig isn't angry with me. It's just…I don't have many friends here, and I don't want to lose the best one I've got. He makes me feel so much better about myself. Since I have someone degrading me here at home, and my mom not doing much to help since she is always too busy..I need Craig. I can't let myself develop stronger feelings for him. I just can't. Michelle finally gave up and laid down on her bed, crying herself to sleep.  
  
The next day at school, Craig didn't say a word to Michelle when they saw each other, although it's not as if she was trying to hard to talk to him, either. When they would be at their lockers, she would peak over her door to look at him, and he seemed so…empty. Just shoving books into the locker, and pulling others out. In homeroom, he didn't sit next to her. And in Ms. Kwan's class, Michelle attempted to talk to Craig, but he just got up and moved. At lunch, she caught him looking at her, but he quickly looked away. She had a breakthrough during Science though. A bad one. Michelle walked in and sat at her lab table, and Paige sat across from her.  
  
"hey hun! Something got you down?"  
  
"Nothing I want to talk about."  
  
"Sorry. I was just trying to be polite."  
  
"I don't want any politeness right now Paige. Sorry if I seem rude, I just want to be left alone."  
  
"pfft. What-ev-er."  
  
The bell rang and ended their conversation, thankfully. Michelle didn't know how anything could get any worse. Until Ms. Hatsilakos spoke.  
  
"Okay class! Today, we're going to be doing partner labs! Only I get the joy of hand-picking your partners! Okay…let's see…Ellie, you go with Jimmy, Spinner, with Marco, Michelle, With Craig, Ashley…"   
  
Michelle stopped listening after she heard Craig's name. She was immediately terrified. She had the worst nerves she ever knew of. She felt so sick, like she had just run a mile and then done 500 sit ups. She didn't know what to do, other than to go over by Craig and sit. So she did. Ms. Hatsilakos was still giving instructions on what to do, so that gave Michelle a chance to think of something to say. Unfortunately, Paige had to put her two cents in.  
  
"Oh gee hun," She whispered, but loud enough for everyone except Ms. Hastilakos to hear, " I feel so bad for you. Having to get stuck with a worn out, two faced, cheater like Craig. What a bad class for him to be taking, too. He doesn't have chemistry with anyone. Which makes sense, because he has no friends."  
  
That was the last straw for Craig. As Paige smiled in satisfaction and high-fived Ashley, Craig stood up, kicked his stool across the room, and bolted out of there. Michelle jumped up.  
  
"Dammit Paige! Why do you have to be such a cold bitch?!"  
  
Everyone let out a gasp.  
  
"Excuse me?" She said in shock.  
  
Michelle glared.  
  
"You heard me. Just because Craig made a bad mistake doesn't mean you have the right to remind him of it in the worst ways possible."  
  
"Hun, if you want to defend him, then go run after him. You both are fucked up. You're perfect for each other. Go get him, tiger"  
  
"I think I will."  
  
Just then Michelle brought both hands up and shoved Paige hard. So hard she fell backwards, stumbling over a stool and landing on the floor. Michelle raced out of the room before anyone had a chance to comprehend what just happened. Michelle had no idea where to go to find Craig. Which is why she was so shocked when she found him, in the boys bathroom, hands on the sink, head down.  
  
"Get the hell out of here."  
  
"Craig…"  
  
"I SAID LEAVE!"  
  
He picked his head up and turned to her as he screamed those words.  
  
"Please….just…go…Paige was right…"  
  
Michelle moved closer.  
  
"No, no she was so wrong."  
  
Michelle put a hand on Craig's shoulder. She began to speak softly, but she never finished what she was going to say. Craig whipped around.  
  
"DON'T TOUCH ME! DAMMIT! How can you even bare to look at me?"  
  
"Craig, I don't know how you feel about yourself, but you obviously have it all wrong." Michelle was scared, so she began slowly backing away.  
  
"oh, do I? I always do. Dumb ass Craig always has it wrong. You haven't even known me that long and you can already see that." Craig was walking towards her with every step she took backwards. She felt her back hit the wall. Oh shit.   
  
"Craig, listen to me. I care for you. I really do. I think you're a great guy, and just made a mistake in the past, but--" Craig took a huge step forward and put his hands on Michelle's shoulders, squeezing them, hard. She winced.  
  
"So it is that easy for you to forgive me for everything I've ever done wrong? For staying with my abusive father just because he gave me money, for cheating on my girlfriend, for getting Manny pregnant, and for still wishing they all hadn't just left me in the dust?! You can forgive me that easily?!" Michelle noticed the tears forming in the corner of Craig's eyes. She knew this was her chance, her only one. She put her hands on the sides of his head. She made him look her in the eye.  
  
"People don't like being left alone, Craig. It hurts. It haunts. It feels like you're dying, only you're not, but you wish you were. I know, Craig. I get it. I FINALLY get it. And it's okay. Everything is okay."  
  
Craig began to cry.  
  
"No, not it's not! Look at me! I'm fucking crying! I'm such a wuss!"  
  
"Craig…stop…"  
  
He dropped his head and released his grip on Michelle's shoulders. Michelle removed her hands from his head only to wrap her arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her waist. And she just let him cry. They stood there for the longest time. And in that time, Craig could actually feel his cold heart melting. He was letting someone in, after all this time. He was letting Michelle in. She gets it. She really gets it…she's perfect…I fear I'm in love….I also fear…that I'm loved. By her. Michelle was relieved that she got Craig to calm down. She was also relieved by something else. This is me. What I said…that's how I feel. Craig just has what it takes to show it. He's so strong. And has so much pain. I care so much…. They both felt so lucky in that moment. To have finally found someone, with no strings attached, that knew what they felt. When they finished, Michelle was the first to speak.  
  
"Come on, let's go home. We can talk. My mom and brother won't be home until four, which gives us a lot of hours."  
  
Craig didn't say anything, he just followed her out the door, to their lockers to grab coats, and then they left. Neither was worried about school. Neither even acknowledged the fact they were supposed to stay. They just needed to be free. And this was a start. 


	6. Day Off

Craig and Michelle walked quietly to Michelle's house. It was cold outside, and there was snow everywhere. They had a very narrow sidewalk path, and on each side of them was a bank of snow at least three feet tall. Craig decided to break the silence first. "Thanks….I mean…I was really surprised you came after me. And I know I didn't show it back there, but I was also really impressed that you did. I'm not the greatest guy in the world, and for the past few months, I have been kind of isolated to myself, with all the girls of Degrassi hating me and everything. It takes a toll on me." "Don't get all mushy on me, Craig Manning." Michelle teased as she playfully bumped him with her shoulder. "Hey!" He said as he laughed. He pushed her back, only Michelle lost her balance and started teetering backwards. She instinctively grabbed Craig's arm to keep her steady, only to make him fall into the snow with her. "OH MY GOD!! THIS IS SOOO COLD!" Michelle yelled. She jumped up out of the snow, threw some on Craig, and ran. "You are so going to get it." "Not if you can't catch me, Manning!" Unfortunately, Michelle didn't have the best shoes on for running on ice. As soon as she started gliding, she stopped moving her legs, which was smart. She slipped and plopped down right on her butt, and then felt something crash into her back. That something was Craig, who also doesn't know how to run on ice. When he hit the ground they both burst out laughing. Craig was laughing so hard his face was turning red. Michelle got up and ran the rest of the way to her house, with Craig right on her tracks. When they burst through her front door, they were shivering. They took off their coats and shoes, and went right up into Michelle's room. "Ohhh…" Michelle said as she pulled green sweatpants and a Ramones t-shirt out of her dresser. "I'm sooo soaked. I'm going to change." Craig just stood there. "Umm…do you mind turning around or something?" "Oh! Right! Sorry." As Craig turned around he heard Michelle laughing. And then realized he saw her laughing too. He was facing the mirror, which in turn made it possible for him to see Michelle. "What's so funny?" Craig asked. "Your accent. The way you say 'sorry' and 'about' and some other words. It's so cute. And funny." She continued laughing as she peeled her soaking shirt off. Craig gulped as he watched in the mirror. He looked at his feet. Goood boy, Craig. Don't be so indecent to such a good person to watch her undress. He looked into the mirror. Michelle had just pulled her pants off. Although she is very attractive. She acts as if she's horrid. If she only knew…CRAIG! Stop looking you perv! God, you are such a horrible person. Craig looked down at his feet. "Okay, you can turn around now." Craig turned around and smiled. "Alright. Now that I'm all dry….oh my gosh! I forgot! You're soaked still!" "It's okay….I…I can just run home and change, okay? I'll be back in ten minutes." "Umm…okay." Michelle walked Craig to the door and watched him go. She then went into the kitchen and made some snacks for them, drinks too. She put them in the living room, and sat on the leather couch with a blanket as she awaited Craig's return. (5 minutes later) Craig burst through the doors. "Ah!" "Oh...sorry. I should've knocked." "It's okay. Wow. That was fast. You must've ran." "I did." He said as he laughed. He joined her on the couch, grabbing a blanket. They silently watched t.v. "Craig…can I ask you something?" "Anything." "Why….at school….why did you say that stuff about your Dad?" "oh…that. Um….my Dad used to hit me. And I moved out of his house and into Joey's when people found out. And then my Dad wanted to be part of my life again. But he died." "I'm sorry, Craig. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I really shouldn't have asked." "It's alright. Really." "Are you sure? I mean, I feel so insensitive to ask such a --" "It's okay! Trust me." "I do." Michelle smiled. "You know Craig, you sometimes seem to come off as having a really self-loathing attitude towards yourself." "If you were me, wouldn't you?" "I wish you saw what I saw. You are such a better person than you think." "Look at me! I'm a fool! I'm an idiot!!" "I'm looking at you, but I still don't know what you're talking about." "you just don't get it, Michelle. I hate myself. I'm a horrible person. You couldn't understand." "I couldn't understand?! I think I can understand more than anyone else, Craig. I was hospitalized for self-destructive behavior. I went to a psychologist every week for a year. Don't try to tell me I don't understand." Michelle stood up and walked out of the room. She walked into the kitchen and put her hands on the counter to stabalize her. She heard Craig walking into the kitchen and soon felt his hand on her shoulder. "I didn't…I didn't know." "No, really?" She said in a sarcastic voice. "I'm sorry, okay?" She turned around. "Don't bother. It's all behind me, and I'm fine now. But you aren't. Craig…you're understanding, funny, smart, artistic, have great friends, and just made a couple of mistakes. It's okay. You need to accept that." Craig forced a smile of agreement. What does she know. She hasn't felt what I've felt. Might as well make her feel useful though. He thought to himself. "Hey, I have an idea." Craig said. "What?" "Let's go to my house and hang out there." "That is a really good idea. I'm getting sick of this place." Michelle quickly scribbled down a note telling her mom that after school she went over to a friends house and would be home for dinner. Just so her mom wouldn't know she left early. "Alright, let's go!" When they got to Craig's house, they had to go through the garage. Michelle looked around as Craig unlocked the door. She saw his guitar. "Wait! Play me something!" She said jumping up and down. Craig blushed a little, and said, "If you insist." Michelle sat on the arm of the itchy couch as Craig went over to his guitar, picked it up, and plugged it in. He mouthed the words 'one, two, one, two, three, four'. Then began strumming away an intense rhythm. Michelle found it incredible. But what she found even more incredible, was his singing voice. She listened intently. "Trying, to hear me, everyone knows that you love me. If we argue, we're going back to the same place we started. TryEN to hear me, everyone knows that you love me, if we, argue, we're going back to the same place we started, and then come back again." Craig then played a quiter rhythm that had so much feeling in it, that Michelle couldn't stand it. Then, what he sang, made shivers go through her spine. She never heard more sincerity, or a more angel like voice. "Every time I cry….I try to change myself….every time I cry….I CRYYYYYY" Craig finished off the song with the chorus and some sceaming, and looked up at Michelle, who had her jaw dropped. He felt really dumb. "What. Was it bad?" "…Wow…that…was hot." They both laughed. "No, really Craig. That was like….amazing. Mind blowing. I've never heard anything so…true. You want to know why is was so amazing?" "Why?" "Because I saw you. I really saw you. This song was written by you, completely about you, wasn't it?" She didn't give him time to answer, because she already knew the answer. "You let your walls down, and showed yourself. And I really liked it. You'll have to play for me again sometime." "Sure…um…do you play anything?" "No. I'm musically illiterate." "Maybe I'll teach you sometime." "Awesome." "Alright, let's go inside." They went inside and did the same thing they did at Michelle's house. Came in, sat on the couch, and flipped on the television. Only this time, they fell asleep until Joey and Angie came home. "Daddy!" Angie whispered. "Craig and Michelle are sleeping on the couch." Joey laughed to himself. "Angie, go get the camera…" The next morning when Michelle woke up, she knew she was in some deep shit when it came time to go to school. She got in a fight with Paige. Her friends were goinhg to abandon her. Not that Craig wasn't a great friend, but a girl can't get along with only one friend. So as Michelle step through the doors of Degrassi on the cold morning, she tried to prepare herself for the worst. But she was going to be the bigger person and go apoligize. She found Ashley, Ellie, and Paige all talking by Hazel's locker, probably waiting for her. Before Paige could even get out a word, Michelle started talking. "Listen, Paige. I definitely stepped over the boundry yesterday. You have no idea how sorry I am either. But you have to try and understand--" "Understand what? That you hit me for a loser?" "PAIGE! You just don't get it. Craig was one of the first people to be-friend me when I came here. I trust him, and I owe him. Big time. He is a good friend of mine, and I thought you were too. And if you were, you would have respected the fact that I was friends with Craig and you wouldn't have insulted him." "But--" "Not yet. As I said, I'm sorry. I over reacted and I cam here this morning hoping you would forgive me, but I will totally understand if you won't." Michelle looked at her feet. "Listen hun, if you ever pull something like that again, I will personally make sure you never have any friends again." Michelle looked up and smiled. Then gave Paige a hug. "Thanks, Paige." Craig watched from a distance. I can't keep her from having other friends. That would be unfair. She is, though, one of the best people I've ever known. Sort of. I mean, at least she makes an effort. But she doesn't really help, only temporarily. He thought. Someone grabbed his shoulder and whirled him around. "Yo, dude! What was with the wigging out yesterday?" Spinner said, tactless. "Just having a bad day." The bell rang, cutting their conversation short. Craig was thankful. He couldn't explain things to Spin, or Jimmy, or Marco. And he didn't even want to try. AUTHOR'S NOTE: The song sung by Craig in this chapter is actually part of a song Jake Epstein's band, Mind the Gap, play. The song is entitled "Cocky" and you can listen to it at http:zed.cbc.ca/go.ZeD?POS=3&CONTENTID=46376&FILTERKEY=372177&page=content BTW, thanks for all of the R &R! 


	7. Party Hard

At lunch that day, a girl Michelle had never met before came up to her while she was headed to sit down.  
  
"Hi! I'm Emma Nelson, I'm in grade 9."  
  
"Oh, hey. I'm---"  
  
"I know who you are. You're Michelle McCarthy. Just moved here from the U.S. Very cool."  
  
"..you aren't a stalker or anything are you?" Michelle said jokingly.  
  
"What? No! I'm good friend's with Craig, and he talks about you a lot. Says he's real glad you moved here. Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and give you one of these."  
  
It was a green flyer that talked about some junk about the rainforest or whatever.  
  
"Are you an environmentalist?"  
  
"Big time."  
  
"That's cool. Somebody's gotta do it. Anyways, I'll talk to you later. Nice meeting you Emma Nelson from grade 9."  
  
"You too!" Emma shouted as Michelle walked away to sit down with Paige and the rest. Emma went back to her table where Manny, Liberty, Toby, and JT were eating.  
  
"Who's that?" Toby asked.  
  
"She's a looker." JT said.  
  
"That's Michelle McCarthy. She's in grade 10. She's new." Emma said.  
  
"And Craig likes her." Manny said angrily as she glared.  
  
"Come on Manny, you got to get over him some time!" Emma told her friend.  
  
Liberty decided to pipe up. "Besides, I doubt Craig likes her. They don't eat at the same lunch table."  
  
"So?!" Manny said. "They are always together, they even walk home together."  
  
"Hellooooo earth to MANNY!" JT said, "Ever heard of friends? She's new, he's just trying to be nice."  
  
"Whatever." Manny said as she shoved salad into her mouth.  
  
At the end of the day, Michelle was just getting ready to leave when someone put their hands over her eyes. She reached behind her ant tickled whoever it was so they would let go. She heard a familiar laugh.  
  
"Hey! That's not fair!"  
  
"Life's not fair, Manning. Anyway, what can I do ya fer?" She said as a joke.  
  
"Go to Hazel's party with me?"  
  
"Pay me." "Bite me."  
  
"Make me."  
  
"Blow me."  
  
Michelle dropped her draw and hit Craig in the shoulder.  
  
"Craig!!! I am appalled!! Pfft. And yeas, I suppose I'll go. Pick me up at 7. No later. No earlier."  
  
The day of Hazel's party came faster than anyone thought it would. Everyone who was anyone was going to be there. It was supposed to be the party of the year. Craig was too nervous to handle. Oh boy. Wait? Why am I nervous? We are just friends, Michelle has made sure of that, and I don't need to express my true feelings. I never have anyway. Just friends. Just. Friends. Craig grabbed his leather jacket and headed out the door.  
  
"Bye Joey, be home by 12!"  
  
It was already dark as drove to Michelle's house. It was snowing, too. He was being extra careful. He had just been given the privilege of driving by himself, and he certainly didn't want to screw it up. He parallel parked in front of Michelle's house and went up to the door. He knocked. No one came. He knocked again. Finally, he heard foot steps. Michelle opened the door. Craig's big eyes got even bigger. Wow, she looks gorgeous. Michelle was wearing a layered pink skirt with her black Ramones shirt and black low-top Converse All-Stars. Craig's favorite shoes, that he was also wearing.  
  
"C'mon in, I just got to grab my coat."  
  
She ran out of sight for a second, then came back very quickly holding her blue fluffy coat. She put it on.  
  
"You know, Michelle, that coat makes you look like and Eskimo."  
  
"Shut up! Let's go."  
  
"Alright. Party here we come! Woohoo!"  
  
"That was so lame."  
  
When they got to the party, Craig had to park a block away there were already so many people there.  
  
"Wow," Michelle said, " I hope Hazel has a big house, there are A LOT of freakin people here."  
  
"She has…a sizeable house. Everyone will fit, don't worry."  
  
"If you say so!"  
  
When they walked in the door to the left of them they saw a huge pile of jackets, so they tossed their jackets on top.  
  
"Did I tell you how amazing you look?"  
  
"Craig, I'm touched. Right back at ya." She winked and walked away. Craig went to find his friends. He found Spinner and Marco in the basement playing the Playstation 2. Said hey quickly, but didn't want to interrupt them. He went back upstairs and found Jimmy at the bar.  
  
"Hey, Jimmy. Hmm…alcohol at a party? Tsk Tsk Tsk!"  
  
"Hey man, not my party, not my problem." He said as he handed Craig a beer.  
  
"So, I saw you come in with Michelle."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Don't even, man. There's nothing there. Trust me, I tried. She makes a great friend, anyway. I guess it would really suck to lose that just to have the chance to date her."  
  
"Whatever man."  
  
Michelle was out in the living room where the music was playing, the current song was "Yeah" by Usher. She was dancing with Paige. Spinner pushed his way through the crowd.  
  
"My fair maiden, take my hand and I will bring you to a magical land."  
  
"Spin! Stop being weird!"  
  
"Dance with me then!"  
  
"Alright, see ya Michelle!"  
  
"Bye!"  
  
Michelle continued to dance by herself. She heard someone yell her name and she turned around. It was Craig.  
  
"Hey! Enjoying yourself?"  
  
"Yeah I guess so."  
  
"Did you come out here to talk with me or to dance with me!"  
  
"I can't dance! Not to this music!"  
  
"Let me show you!"  
  
Michelle put her hand on the back of Craig's neck as she dance with him. And he definitely enjoyed himself. Every time her face got close to his though, he thought he smelt something. Something strong. And she was acting very peculiar. A slow song came on, "Every time" by Britney Spears, so as Michelle put her arms around Craig's neck, he took this chance to talk to her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. He was just about to question her, but he realized that she felt different. Smaller. Since the last time he had given her a hug, which wasn't that long ago, only a couple days. He was worried. I hope she isn't doing anything stupid. He thought.  
  
"Michelle?"  
  
"Yeah?" She said. Her head was resting on his shoulder.  
  
"Are you okay?  
  
"I'm fine!"  
  
"Can we go talk somewhere?"  
  
"But I'll miss all the fun!" She said childishly.  
  
"C'mon."  
  
He grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the crowd, looking for somewhere they could go talk without interruptions. He saw an empty bathroom. Strange place to talk, but at least it was empty. He pulled her in there, turned around, shut the door and locked it.  
  
"Craig, I knew you liked me, but I didn't think you were the kind of guy to do some romping in the bathroom. At a public party no less!" Michelle was tiliting back and forth as she talked.  
  
"Sit down." He pushed her gently so she sat on the toilet. He got down on one knee so he could look at her when he spoke.  
  
"You aren't going to propose, are you?"  
  
"Michelle."  
  
"What!"  
  
"How much have you had to drink?"  
  
"How much have YOU had to drink, Craig Manning."  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
"You're no fun anymore."  
  
"Michelle!"  
  
"Okay okay, jeez. Uhh…..Spinner and I had a contest…we wanted…uh..we wanted…to…to…oh! We wanted to see who drink the most shots of Bacaradidididi….Bacuradei…Baaacaaarrrdiii….Bacardi! Bacardi 151!"  
  
Oh shit. That stuff is hard liquor. I hope she didn't drink too much.  
  
"How many?"  
  
"How many what?"  
  
"How many did you drink?"  
  
"Five? Six? Seven…? I don't know. All I know is I beat Spinner by three shots!!! Isn't that great?"  
  
Craig stood up. He paced around. Michelle stood up.  
  
"Craig, did you bring me in here to talk about dumb stuff like that?"  
  
"yes!"  
  
"Are you suuuure?" Michelle said, slurring and smiling. She walked towards him and pushed him up against the door. She planted her hands on the door, one side next to the left side of his face, the other on the right. He really couldn't go anywhere, without hurting her.  
  
"Michelle, stop it. You're drunk."  
  
"So?"  
  
"You don't want this."  
  
"But you do, Craig. I know you do. I've seen you stare at me. It's cute."  
  
"Michelle, stop. Let's go back to the party and talk to our friends."  
  
"Tell me you don't want me, first."  
  
She pushed herself up against him and whispered in his ear.  
  
"Obviously some part of you wants me, I can feel that. But if you say it , I'll go back out to the party."  
  
"Michelle, I don't--"  
  
And that's the last thing Michelle remembers from the party, because at that moment, she fainted. Luckily, Craig caught her in his arms. He laid her down and ran to get Marco.  
  
"Marco, I need your help. Michelle fell asleep or fainted. But I need you to help me carry her to my car. Don't panic or anything, she's fine."  
  
"Alright, where is she?"  
  
Marco followed Craig into the bathroom. They picked her up and carried her through the house, out the door, and to Craig's car.  
  
"Thanks, Marco."  
  
"Yeah. See ya."  
  
As Craig drove with Michelle passed out in the back seat, he wondered what he was going to do with her now. Why do I get the responsibility put on my shoulders? I have to make a decision, and I have to make a good one. This could take a lot of thinking. 


	8. Rumors

Michelle rolled onto her left side. And then onto her right side. Her eyes began to flutter as she was coming out sleep. OH MY GOD MY HEAD HURTS LIKE A BITCH!! AHHHhhh!!! She thought to herself. She flipped onto her stomach and put her hands on her head. Then she noticed something. The pillow her face was in was very fluffy. The pillow she usually sleeps with is thin and flat. But she decided not to think anything of it. She turned again to the left so she could look outside, but when she opened her eyes, all she saw was a wall. She sat straight up. THIS SIN'T MY BED??! THIS ISN'T MY ROOM!!!!! OH MY GOODD! She was about to scream, when she saw Craig laying on the ground, asleep. She was very confused, until she figured out she was in Craig's room. She was also in Craig's boxers, and what must be Craig's white beater. She stood up, but then sat back down. She was very dizzy.  
  
"Craig?"  
  
He sat up and rubbed his eyes.  
  
"Oh, hey."  
  
"What. The. Fuck. I'm in your bed. I'm also in your clothes. Did we….."  
  
"No! No! Of course not! Don't you remember the party?"  
  
"Vaguely."  
  
"You passed out. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want you to get in trouble, so I brought you here, Joey called your mom and said you were staying the night. When we brought you up here, you woke up briefly. You didn't want to sleep in your clothes you said. So I gave you some boxers and a beater. You fell asleep then. I slept on the floor. Everything cool?"  
  
"Yeah…whatever. I just want to go home."  
  
"Okay?"  
  
She stood up and headed for the door. Wow, she's acting mighty weird. Nothing compares to the way she acted last night though.  
  
"I'll see you on Monday, Craig."  
  
"you're going home in my clothes?"  
  
"I'll give them to you on Monday."  
  
"It's freezing out."  
  
"Craig! Stop! I'm just…I'm going home, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, sure….See you on Monday."  
  
Michelle walked down the stairs, slipped on her shoes, put on her coat, and walked home. She didn't want to stay there any longer. Oh god, what have I done. How could I be so dumb? I was just so rude to Craig, too. I didn't even say thank you. Michelle wrapped her arms around herself as she headed home.  
  
Craig watched out his window as she walked home.  
  
"Nice job, Craig. You fucked up again. Somehow, somewhere since last night, you did something wrong. Surprise, surprise." Craig said aloud to himself. Why do I always ruin everything? Even without trying? I can't don anything right, and I chase everyone away. I hate myself so much. Everyone would get along just fine if I wasn't around.  
  
When Michelle got home, she took off her coat, threw it on the ground, went to her room, shut the door, crawled into bed, and cried herself to sleep. When she woke up it was really early Sunday morning. She had slept all day. Why am I so upset? I just…ughhh…I can't stand it! I'm so horrible. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being. She went over and looked in the mirror. And I'm fat. She went downstairs to get a glass of orange juice. Her mom was in the kitchen drinking coffee, getting ready to go to work.  
  
"Hey, pumpkin. I haven't seen you in awhile…sweetie, are you sick? You look awfully pale. Now that I think about it, you look awfully skinny too. Are you sick?"  
  
"No, mom, I'm fine. I've just been….active. You know how that works."  
  
Her mom raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh…anyways, I better get going, I'll be home early today. Have a nice day!" She kissed Michelle's forehead.  
  
"Yeah, you too, mom."  
  
Michelle went upstairs and took a shower. Her brother was away for the weekend, thank goodness. This way she didn't have to deal with anyone that day. After she took a shower, she pulled on some lounging clothes and went into the living room. She curled up on the couch and put in her favorite movie, A Walk to Remember. By the end she was crying so hard, like usual. It didn't matter how many times she saw it, she always cried. Just then, the phone rang. Michelle picked it up and was about to answer it when she looked at the caller ID. It said: Jeramiah, Joseph. It was Craig. Not only did she not want to talk to ANYONE, that day, she especially didn't want to talk to Craig. In the next three hours, Craig called five more times. Michelle eventually just turned the ringer off. Just as she was getting up to go to the bathroom, someone knocked on the door. She slowly went over to it and opened it.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I called six times."  
  
"Obsessive, much?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Craig, I just want to be left alone for a little while, okay?"  
  
"I get that, trust me, I do, but what's wrong?"  
  
"I don't know, I just don't feel like myself."  
  
She disappeared from the door for a minute and then came back, handing Craig a plastic bag with stuff in it.  
  
"Here, I washed your clothes."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Yeah, no problem. So I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Sure."  
  
As Michelle shut the door, Craig stuff his hands in his pockets and walked off her porch, to his house. He went into the garage, grabbed his guitar, a note book, and sat down. He began writing a song.  
  
When Craig left, Michelle shut the door and sat against it. ughh! What's wrong with me?!?! I can't stand this.  
  
When Michelle got to school on Monday, she noticed people were looking at her funny. For one thing, people never even noticed her, and now when they saw her, they would whisper. She wondered if it was because of the way she was dressed, if she forgot something, or what. She had no idea what was going on. She went to her locker and began un locking it when Craig showed up at his locker.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey, Craig."  
  
"Feeling better?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm sorry…about yesterday…and Saturday. I can't help but screw up."  
  
"Forget about it."  
  
"Alright."  
  
As Michelle was taking off her coat and putting it in her locker, Craig decided to say something.  
  
"What's wrong with you?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You act like you like me, then turn me down. Comfort me, then try to have sex with me in a bathroom at a party. I cover for you when you get drunk, you don't thank me. I care if you are okay, and you just act cold. Also, you're deteriorating. You've lost a lot of weight since we met. Are you anorexic?"  
  
"Oh. My God. You are one to talk. How can you be like this to me, Craig? I thought we were friends? I care about you. A lot. I don't think I've ever cared about someone as much as I care about you."  
  
"Sounds like bullshit."  
  
"Well It's not!"  
  
"Prove it."  
  
"Craig, c'mon. Don't do this."  
  
"Do what? Be honest?"  
  
"Craig, obviously something is upsetting you…"  
  
"Yeah, you're upsetting me. I like you, I really like you, and you just…."  
  
"Craig- -"  
  
"Just, drop it."  
  
Craig stopped talking and started hitting his head against his locker over and over. WHAT THE FUCK, CRAIG? WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY THAT SHIT TO HER?!?! She is the only person that cares about you, and you just hurt her. Look at her, Craig. Look at her.  
  
"Look at me Craig."  
  
He looked. Tears were welling up in her eyes. And little did he know, tears were welling up in his eyes too.  
  
"Michelle, I don't know why I just said that. I was just….so angry with you. And I--" Before Craig could finish, they were interrupted. Ashley, Marco, and Paige were standing in front of them.  
  
"Can't keep your hands off something, can you Craig?" Ash said.  
  
"What?" Craig said in confusion.  
  
"Don't play dumb, Craig." Paige said. Then she turned to Michelle.  
  
"And you! You…..you….slut!"  
  
"What the hell!" Michelle yelled.  
  
"Oh Come on! You and Craig go into a bathroom. Alone. People hear sounds being made on the door. You end up passed out, then spend the night at Craig's house?" Paige was suggesting the worst.  
  
"You've got to be kidding me, Paige. Where do you get this shit from?"  
  
Craig looked at Marco.  
  
"Marco….no…man! What did you say!"  
  
"Nothing! I didn't….they saw us carrying her, asked what happened. I just filled in the blanks."  
  
Craig was so furious he couldn't even speak.  
  
"You-uh----Marco--why--uhhhh! We didn't do anything!"  
  
"Right Craig, " Ash said, "Just like you and Manny didn't do anything and that didn't end up with her having an abortion." Ash looked at Michelle. "Good luck."  
  
Paige and Ashley walked away. Marco tried to explain, but Craig told him to leave. Michelle slid down her locker and onto the floor, with a blank expression on her face. Craig sat down next to her.  
  
"Michelle-"  
  
"No, Craig. No. I obviously did something horrible in my life that I'm paying for now."  
  
"But you didn't do anything wrong!"  
  
"I, did, I did. I moved here."  
  
"No, don't even try to think that that was a mistake. You moving here was the greatest thing that has happened to me. I've wanted to die for the past few months, and when I'm with you….I don't."  
  
"Don't lie to me to try and make me feel better."  
  
"I'm not! I swear!"  
  
The bell rang.  
  
"Michelle, we really should go. I don't want you to get in trouble. I don't want me to get in trouble."  
  
"Whatever." Michelle had a defeated look on her face.  
  
In Ms. Kwan's class, today was the day the students read from their journals.  
  
"Okay class, who's first?"  
  
No one raised their hand.  
  
"Fine. Michelle, why don't you read from yours."  
  
Michelle stood up.  
  
"These are lyrics I wrote a while ago…..After all I've been through, It's really hard to say, How I feel about this; How I make it through the day. After all I've seen and heard, be it as it may, I know only one thing for sure, I'm not gonna stay. And after all this time of wondering, How you are today, No matter how much I regret, I wasn't gonna stay. But maybe I'll come back someday, And see you again, Look at your face. And I'll think…to myself….I'm gonna stay." Michelle sat back down. She looked over at Craig. He was looking right back at her.  
  
"Thank you Michelle."  
  
Craig was the last person to go.  
  
"I have lyrics for a song I wrote yesterday….If I died today would you cry? If I died today would you die? Today was just a day in the life, And if I cut it up, With a metaphorical knife, I would find that it is just the same, As everyday in this life-like game. If I died today would you cry? If I died today would you die? Today I woke up, and let out a sigh, Because that is proof last night I didn't die, I can still wait for tomorrow, Maybe then I'll lose the sorrow. Would you cry? Would you die?" Craig closed his journal and sat down. He couldn't bare to look at Michelle. He knew what she was thinking. 


	9. Together At Last

At lunch, Craig sat with his usual group of friends. Marco, Jimmy, and Spinner. Sometimes they had others come join them to talk about something, but they were the main ones at that table. Craig couldn't stop thinking about the fight he had with Michelle that morning. Although hw had apologized, he still didn't feel right. He was hurt. Deeply hurt. He knew he said some awful things to her, but she said some awful things right back. But he was okay with it. Somehow, he was okay with it. The pain in his heart let him know…it let him know that he still had a heart. And that he cared what Michelle thought of him. He turned his head to look at her, but when he looked over at Paige's table, she wasn't there. Figures. He thought. After all that happened that morning she wouldn't sit with Paige and Ash. I just know she wouldn't. But then where is she? She always knows she can sit with me… Craig looked around. He looked over by Emma, and caught Manny staring at him, but didn't think much of it. Michelle wasn't over there.  
  
"I'll be right back," Craig said to his friends. He got up and slowly walked to the bathroom. As he was walking he was looking around. She wasn't anywhere to be found. Instead of going to the bathroom, he went out in the hallway. He didn't know where to look, so he just headed for his locker. Then he saw though the glass doors that Michelle was outside, sitting on the steps. He opened the door quietly, he hadn't decided if he should make his presence known or not. So he just stood a couple feet behind her. He could hear her crying. He wanted it to stop. He wanted her pain to stop. He sat down next to her.  
  
"Michelle…"  
  
"It hurts, Craig. It hurts so much." She said through the sobs.  
  
"What? What hurts?"  
  
"Life. Living. I can't stand it. I see these people who get everything they want even though they are bad people. And then I try to be a good person, and all the bad shit still comes."  
  
"Bad things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people, too."  
  
"Maybe I'm just not a good enough person."  
  
"Don't say that Michelle. You are a wonderful person. You care about people you don't need to. You care about people who aren't worthy. You care about me."  
  
Michelle lifted her head to look at Craig. He saw that her eyes were read and puffy. Her cheeks stained with the trail lines of many tears.  
  
"It stabs me like a thousand knives to see you crying. If I could, I would suffer the worst pain possible just so you never even had to feel the hurt of a paper cut. And I know that can mean anything since I can't do that, but-"  
  
"Craig. It means the world to me."  
  
"But it won't change anything."  
  
"It makes me feel a litle bit better."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I'm sorry…I'm just so sorry…"  
  
"For what? You didn't do anything to me."  
  
"Yes, I did. For acting so strangly. For listening to your problems but then cutting myself off emotionally. You were right, you know."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Whenn….when you asked me….when you asked me if I was anorexic."  
  
"Oh…I….why? You're beautiful. I have thought that since the first time I saw you."  
  
"I don't see what you see Craig. But I know it's bad, and I'm going to get help. My mom has been noticing. And she doesn't notice anything, so that tells me that I have a problem."  
  
"Why didn't you talk to me about it?"  
  
"I don't know. There has been tension between us. I didn't want to make a conflict between us."  
  
"Michelle, I could never get in a conflict with you."  
  
That made Michelle smile. She gave Craig a hug. She slowly pulled away, until her face was an inch in front of Craig's. He knew she was going to kiss him.  
  
"Michelle, what about what you said? What about being friends?"  
  
"We'll always be friends, Craig. I can feel that. I can also feel that this is right. Isn't it?"  
  
"It is."  
  
And Michelle kissed him. And Craig kissed her back. Michelle was crying as she kissed him. This is it, she thought. This is what I needed to feel loved. But what if I'm not? She needed to know. She broke the kiss. Craig didn't know why.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I think I love you."  
  
Craig was in total shock. He didn't know what to do. Or what to say. Because he loved her, too. But he was afraid. He felt that if he made the commitment of telling her he loved her, she might leave him. And he couldn't take that. But I love her. And she loves me. She deserves to know. I just…need to have…to have…  
  
"Faith." Michelle whispered.  
  
"You need to have, faith." She smiled.  
  
Craig knew she hadn't read his mind, just his face.  
  
"Craig, you don't need to say it. Because I know you do."  
  
Craig grabbed her hand and the stood up. So hand in hand, they walked back into school, and into the lunch room, just in time to hear the bell ring. They smiled at each other. This is what they both needed. To find each other. To finally be happy. They went and stood by their lockers, just holding hands and staring at each other. As people walked by, they all had different reactions. Emma and JT came running up to them.  
  
"Craig! Is this what I think it is? Are you..ahh!" Emma said in delight.  
  
"Craig my man, way-to-go. You definitely got a good one." JT said in a sly way, patting Craig on the back.  
  
"Well, we have to get to class, see you two love birds later." Emma said as she and JT walked away. Manny was watching Michelle and Craig from afar. No, she wasn't watching. She was glaring. Hoping that the harder she glared, the bigger the chance they would both burst into flames.  
  
"Let it go, hun." Said a familiar voice. Manny looked over her shoulder and saw Paige standing behind her.  
  
"Craig is long gone, and won't be coming back to you. Look at him. He's actually happy."  
  
"He doesn't deserve to be happy, Paige."  
  
"Duh. Craig is a jerk. But there is nothing you can do about it."  
  
"Watch me."  
  
Manny started walking over to Craig, but stopped dead in her tracks. What am I doing? She thought to herself. I ruined things before, I don't need to do it again. She took in a deep breath and turned the other way. Paige shook her head.  
  
"Girl has to learn sometime…" She said to no one in particular.  
  
With fingers interlaced, Craig and Michelle walked down the hallway, and sadly seperated as they both had to go to different classes.  
  
"See you."  
  
"Yeah.." Craig said. And he started walking away. Then he stopped and turned around. Michelle was far down the hall. So he yelled.  
  
"Michelle! I love you!" Michelle heard him, but she just kept walking and laughed. Craig knew she heard, so he laughed too, realizing how embarrassed he was. Ashley had a look of disgust on her face as she walked to class with Ellie.  
  
"He makes me sick."  
  
"Ash, I know you hate him, but he isn't going to be single forever. Obviously."  
  
"But he shouldn't be happy. Not after everything he did."  
  
Ashley and Ellie sat side by side. Then, Michelle walked inbetween their desks and knelt down so she could talk to them.  
  
"I'm screwing things up here at Degrassi, I know. And I have barely been here a month. And I'm so sorry Ash, but I can't help the way I feel. It is okay if you forgive me, I don't expect you to. I wouldn't. I just…I don't know. I hate the feeling of knowing that someone doesn't like me."  
  
Ashley looked down at her.  
  
"We warned you, Michelle. You are only going to get hurt. I don't hate you, but…I'm just not comfortable around you anymore. You should go."  
  
Michelle's face fell.  
  
"I guess that's fair. See you guys later."  
  
Michelle went and sat in her seat. She felt very alone. Even though she finally had Craig, she was afraid she no longer had any friends left. And that was a scary feeling for her. She didn't know what to do, she was so confused. But part of her was very happy. Because she was in love. And she was loved back.  
  
For the next three weeks, Michelle and Craig spent every day together. Michelle finally introduced him to her mom, and unfortunaltey, her brother. Although her brother was an asshole as usual, her mom seemed to like Craig very much, and was pleased that Michelle was happy. At school, Craig and Michelle were, for the most part, isolated. Ashley, Paige, Ellie, Hazel, Manny, and almost every other girl at Degrassi hated them both. They hated Craig because he was a player, and they hated Michelle because she accepted him that way. Occasionally, Emma and her friends would talk to them, and Spinner, Marco, and Jimmy didn't turn on them, although Marco felt very guilty for confusing everyone. And Craig held that against him every now and then. But Michelle and Craig were okay with all of this, because they had each other. They understood each other, and listened to the others problems. When Craig was on the brink of doing something stupid and irrational, Michelle could talk him out of it. She could make him feel alive again. She could almost make him forget about all the horrid things he did. Almost. 


	10. GoingGoingGone

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I recently realized that when I put a characters thought in italics, it doesn't show up in my story. So from now on, thoughts will be in single quotations, like these: ' '.  
  
Ashley couldn't stand seeing Craig happy. And Manny couldn't stand seeing him with someone else. So being the vicious girl she is, she came up with a way to make him pay. She put a note in Ashley's locker telling her to go to the Zen garden at lunch one day, but didn't sign her name. So when Ashley arrived at the Zen garden, Manny was already there.  
  
"You have got to be kidding me. Please tell me you didn't write the note."  
  
"I did."  
  
"I'm so out of here."  
  
"It makes you angry, doesn't it?"  
  
Ashley stopped in her tracks.  
  
"What makes me angry?"  
  
"Seeing Craig happy, after what he did to you."  
  
Ash turned on her heels.  
  
"How can you even say that when you had a huge part in hurting me, too?"  
  
"I got hurt too, Ashley. I know what I did was wrong, I paid for it, or do you not remember?"  
  
"What do you want, Manny? To reminisce about the pain some jerk brought us?"  
  
"No. I want him to hurt, too. Don't you think that's fair?"  
  
"Manny, who are we to judge what people deserve?"  
  
"He hurt us, Ashley! Intentionally! HE knew what would happen!"  
  
Ashley sighed.  
  
"What do you have in mind?"  
  
"You know Craig has a gentle, soft core. Say the wrong things to him, and he'll break. Shatter. I promise."  
  
Ashley and Manny stayed in the Zen Garden for about ten more minutes going over what would be said and who would be saying what. The plan was to go through the next morning.  
  
Like usual, Craig and Michelle were sitting in front of their lockers, fingers laced together, talking. It amazed them both how they always had something to talk about, since all they ever did was talk to each other. For the brief moment that Craig took his eyes off of Michelle's face, he saw something he thought he would never see. Ashley and Manny walking side by side. 'Oh no,' Craig thought. 'This is definitely not good. Nope very bad. Must leave.' Craig stood up quickly, jerking Michelle up with him.  
  
"Uh, Craig?"  
  
"C'mon, let's go."  
  
"Stop! What's going on" Michelle said half laughing, half in confusion.  
  
"Too late," Craig muttered as Ashley and Manny reached them. 'Just keep it cool, Craig, and everything will be fine.'  
  
"Ladies?"  
  
"Cut the crap, Craig." Manny said.  
  
"What do you guys want?" Michelle said.  
  
"To deliver a message." Manny said.  
  
"From who?" Craig inquired.  
  
"Practically everyone you two ever met." Ashley said.  
  
"Craig, you suck."  
  
"Hey!" Michelle said in his defense, but Manny glared at her, which told Michelle she probably shouldn't talk. So Ashley continued.  
  
"Craig, everyone you meet, you ruin their life. And you chase them away. Hell, you couldn't even keep your dad around! He was so desperate to get away from you he died!"  
  
Craig looked at his feet. Ashley and Manny smiled, knowing that struck a nerve.  
  
"I'm right, aren't I? C'mon Craig, what was the last thing he said to you."  
  
As Craig thought of that night, it upset him. A single tear fell from his eye to the floor. Michelle saw and wanted it to stop.  
  
"Ashley, cut the shit!"  
  
"Shut up, blondie! You're up next!" Manny said.  
  
"He said…" Craig began, quietly, "He said that I always screw up."  
  
"That's right, Craig. You always screw up. And you always will. You chased me away. You ruined me. I cared about you. I helped you deal with your dad. But you just couldn't settle for one, no, you had to have two. Then came Manny. And look what you did to her! Got her pregnant, almost ruining her life forever. Don't you feel bad? Don't you ever think about the life that was aborted because you screwed up, again?"  
  
"That's enough, Ashley!" Michelle yelled.  
  
Craig slid to the ground and Manny shoved Michelle.  
  
"And you!" Manny said. "You come here and think you can take what ever you want. You push everyone out of the way and act like you own the place. But you aren't even good enough for yourself! We all watched as you got smaller and smaller. Took you long enough to realize you had a problem. You make me sick. We would all be better off if you had never moved here."  
  
"No, Manny." Ashley said as she looked down at Craig.  
  
"We would all be better off if HE had never moved here."  
  
And with that, they walked away. For the rest of the Michelle and Craig didn't speak. Not even to each other. When Michelle would look at him, he looked empty. There was something missing in his eyes. Something had faded. He had faded. She feared she was going to lose him. They walked home together, but didn't talk until they got to Michelle's house.  
  
"I…uh…I'll see you tomorrow Craig."  
  
"I love you." He whispered.  
  
"I love you, too. Call me tonight."  
  
"Yeah…" He said as he walked away.  
  
The walk home for Craig seemed longer than usual. But his mind was plagued with thoughts. 'They were right. I have ruined everything. And I'm going to ruin Michelle, too. And then chase her away. But why?? Why do I always do that? I can't. I have to make it stop. I can't hurt her anymore.'  
  
When Craig got home, he said hi to Joey, Angie, and Caitlin. Caitlin had moved in with them two weeks ago, but Craig hadn't really noticed. He didn't really notice anything except Michelle. He walked up to his room, still with the lost look in his eyes. He shut his door, and sat at his desk. He took out a notebook and pen, and an envelope.  
  
After dinner, Michelle went up to her room and waited for Craig to call. She had been waiting all day after school, too, but he didn't call. 'I guess he won't. That's okay. A lot of stuff happened today. We can talk tomorrow.' At 11:30, she was still awake, on her computer, doing some homework and talking to friends through MSN Messenger. Then, at 11:34, her phone rang. She picked it up and looked at the caller ID. It said Jeremiah, Joey. 'Yes!' She thought. 'He finally called. I'm so glad, I have a lot to say.' She answered it quickly.  
  
"Craig?"  
  
"Michelle?" It wasn't Craig's voice. It wasn't even a man's voice.  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"It's Caitlin." The woman said. She sounded weird. Winded.  
  
"Oh. Uh, what's up?"  
  
"There was an accident…Craig…he…his room…"She heard crying.  
  
"Caitlin? what's wrong with Craig?" Michelle was scared.  
  
"he's being rushed to the hospital, Michelle we can come get you, Joey is in the ambulance with him and me and Angie are on our way…"  
  
Michelle had dropped the phone when she heard the word hospital. She raced down the stairs almost slipping, put on her sneakers, and flew through the door. She was wearing pajama pants and a sweatshirt. The hospital was six blocks away. She ran. And ran. And ran until she couldn't feel her legs. She fell three times on the way, but didn't notice. She was too focused on getting to the hospital. When it came into sight, she picked up speed, sprinting faster than she ever had before. 'Got to get to Craig. Got to get to Craig.' That was the only thought in her head. Getting to Craig. She shoved the emergency room entrance doors open, whipping her head left to right, trying to figure out which way to go. The woman at the desk saw the frantic blonde girl.  
  
"Miss, can I help you? Miss? Miss?" The woman stood up and began to come around from behind the desk. Michelle looked to down the hall to her left for the twelfth time and saw Craig. On a stretcher. Being pushed into a room quickly. She took off.  
  
"Miss!!! You can't go down there!" The desk woman yelled.  
  
Michelle didn't hear her. Michelle didn't even notice the cart of supplies she ran into, knocking it over and spilling bandages, q-tips, bottles of peroxide, and throat sap everywhere. She was running so fast that she ran past the room Craig had gone into. She cam to a screeching halt and turned around, stumbling a bit. She caught herself before she fell, running to the double doors that lead to the room Craig was in. She tried to push them open, but someone grabbed her from behind.  
  
"NOO!" She shrieked.  
  
"LET GO OF ME!! CRAIG!!!"  
  
"Miss, calm down." A large man was holding her arms, and she was wriggling. She stopped. She knew it wouldn't help.  
  
"Please, go sit in the waiting room."  
  
She did as she was told. She had faith. She knew Craig would be okay.  
  
"I'll come back when the doctors are finished." The man said. Michelle shook her head rapidly up and down. She went and sat down next to Joey. They didn't speak. Her hands were shaking. Tears were pouring from her eyes from the thought that Craig was hurt. But she knew he would be okay. She just knew. She sat for ten minutes until the large man came back. She jumped out of her seat and ran to him.  
  
"What is it, what is it? Can I go see him? Where's Craig I have to see him!"  
  
"I'm sorry. He didn't make it."  
  
Michelle stopped jumping up and down.  
  
"What? What does that mean?"  
  
"He's dead, miss."  
  
Michelle shook her head.  
  
"No…no…no, no he isn't! You're wrong! Let me see him!!"  
  
"Only if you calm down, miss."  
  
She did her best.  
  
The man lead her and Joey to the room, where doctors were filing out of. The doctors had long, sorrowful looks on their faces. The man stopped in front of the doors, and Michelle looked up at him.  
  
"You can go in."  
  
She looked at Joey. He shook his head yes, telling her to go without him.  
  
Michelle, hands still shaking, pushed the doors open. It was like a nightmare. But worse. It was reality. Craig was laying on an operating table. Michelle slowly walked to his side. She tilted her head to the left as she looked down at him. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She didn't believe what she was seeing. She went over every inch of his body. His hair was ruffled, like it always was. She ran her hand through it. 'Still soft.' His eyes we closed, lids tinted purple. His face was pale. She put her hand to his cheek. 'So cold.' His lips were dry, slightly apart. She ran her finger along them. He was wearing the clothes he had worn that day, only they were covered in blood. She tried to trace where the blood had came from. There were no marks on his torso, but then she saw his arms were covered in blood, too. She rolled up is plaid, green, long sleeved shirt on both sides. There were piles of gauzes on both wrists, blood seeping through. Michelle didn't understand. She couldn't comprehend. And then it hit her like a freight train. It knocked the wind out of her and she stumbled backwards as she covered her mouth.  
  
"No…"she whispered, "Craig…no…" she went back to his side. She shook his shoulders.  
  
"Craig. Craig, wake up. I get it, I get. I love you, you don't need to pretend anymore. Please Craig, wake up. Wake up, Craig. Craig…" She fell to her knees and cried. She cried harder than humanly possible.  
  
"Craig…" She whispered, "Please, don't leave me. Craig…why…Craig…I'm sorry…."  
  
It took her all the strength she had to stand up. She looked down at him again. She kissed him. And she left him. She walked past Joey without looking up. By the time she left, Caitlin and Angie had just gotten there. She barely noticed them as she walked out the hospital and out into the cold night. When she got home, her mother was awake. Apparently Caitlin had stopped there to get Michelle, but she was already long gone. Caitlin told Michelle's mother. But when her mom tried to talk to her when she got home, Michelle wasn't having any of it. She went straight into her room. And knelt beside her bed.  
  
'Dear god', she thought as she started her prayer. 'it's been a long time. Is that why? Is that why Craig was taken from me? Because I shut you out of my life? Because I turned my back on you? If not, then why? Why would you do this to me? I was happy. It was the one time in my life I found happiness, and you robbed me. You took him from me. How could you let this happen? I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU!!'  
  
"DO YOU HEAR ME?!" She screamed as looked up.  
  
"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I hate! You! I hate you! I hate you…I hate you…."  
  
She cried herself to sleep that night. Dreaming of Craig. Dreaming that she saved him. Bt knowing she couldn't. Knowing she hadn't been there for him. And she blamed herself. 


	11. The Last Things They Said

Michelle slept for about ten minutes after crying herself into sleep. How could she sleep? How could she be so selfish as to sleep when Craig was dead? 'Dead? I just don't get it. I loved him so much. And I thought he loved me too. Why would he leave me like this? How could he have done that….to me…to himself. Ahh! Craig! Why!'  
  
Michelle didn't sleep all night. And the following day, she didn't bother to go to school. She stayed in bed all day, and only got out twice. Once to go to the bathroom, and once to pick up the phone. Caitlin had called. She was informing Michelle about the funeral that would take place the following day. Michelle took in all the information, but didn't really register it. She didn't register anything. She didn't register the fact that her mom cared enough to take the entire day off. That didn't matter though, Michelle hadn't spoken a word since the nigh before. Somewhere around six pm, Michelle fell asleep. She slept until two in the morning. When she woke up, she tried to remember what happened the day before. 'Okay, I stayed in bed', she thought, 'Caitlin called. Funeral at whatever church, give eulogy, go to the house an hour before the funeral…wait, I'm giving Craig's eulogy? It's the least I can do.'  
  
"God?" Michelle said aloud.  
  
"I know you are up there. And I know you are down here. You are everywhere. And I know you have seen Craig. Could you tell him…something for me? Just….just tell him I love him, and miss him. And that…nothing…maybe…" She was choking up to the point where she just couldn't speak anymore, so she stopped. She thought about working on a eulogy, but she didn't need a piece of paper to tell her what to say. Everything she would say would come from her heart. Although it was so early in the morning, Michelle couldn't go back to sleep. So she picked out clothes to wear. Soft, black sweater, 'Craig's favorite', nice, pin-striped skirt. She put her hand to her face. Tears were somehow still pouring out. She hadn't stopped crying since….since she got to the hospital that sorrowful night. Michelle began thinking about Angie. 'How will she understand? She's barely seven. This is going to kill her. Like it is doing to me. And what about Craig? Is he happy, where ever he is? All I ever wanted was for him to be happy. I lost him….I lost my best friend…so…' Michelle covered her mouth so her sobs wouldn't wake anyone. At 7 in the morning, Michelle went and took a shower. The water was scolding but she couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything. She went to her room and slowly dressed. Aimlessly, restlessly, and lifelessly, she walked down the steps, grabbed her coat, and put it on. She could hear his voice as she did this.  
  
"You know, Michelle, that coat makes you look like and Eskimo."  
  
But when she looked around, he wasn't there. Like most everything, that was just a memory. She opened the door and walked outside. It was a calm day. Cold, but no wind. Robotic-like, she walked to the Jeremiah household. She knocked on the door, as she done so many times in the past. She even half expected Craig to answer the door, like he always did. With a loving smile on his face. But it wasn't Craig who answered the door. It was Joey. When he opened the door Michelle burst into tears and gave him a hug. She could tell he had been crying just as much as she had. When they let go, Michelle just looked around.  
  
"Michelle, I have….I mean, Craig….he left something. For you. I'm going to go get it."  
  
Michelle nodded. She then saw Angie sitting at the kitchen counter, staring at the microwave. Michelle slowly went over to her and sat down next to her.  
  
"That's Craig's seat," the seven year old whispered. "I'm saving it for him."  
  
Michelle got out of the chair and rubbed Angela's back. It was going to be really tough on her. Michelle went and sat on the couch. Joey slowly came down the stairs and went to Michelle. He held out an envelope to her.  
  
"No one opened it." He said.  
  
Michelle took it. Joey left her to herself. She slowly looked it over. Her name was inscribed on the back. She slowly opened it, and pulled out a piece of paper. It was a letter.  
  
'Dear Michelle,  
I love you. I never want you to forget that. I love you more than anyone loves anyone else. More than it is humanly possible. My heart was as cold as ice before you came. And each day, a layer of ice melted. You made me feel alive. You made all of the ice melt. You made me happy. What I'm going to do is selfish. Michelle, I'm not a strong person. I have a weak spirit, and I can only take so much. I have a lot of pain in my life. But what hurts the most is knowing that I am making life worse for you. That I am causing you pain. Because of me, you lost friends. People that don't even know you hate you. Rumors were started about you. Because of me. I couldn't take that. I was terrified of the thought of you leaving me. I chase everyone away. You remember what Ashley said. She was right. I didn't want to chase you away. I didn't want to ruin you, like I had done to everyone else. I have to save you. I know what your thinking. This isn't your fault. You didn't do this to me, I did. I know I screwed things up in the past, and I was trying to make things better. But I couldn't. I want you to know…no, I need you to know, that you are the only person I am ever happy with. Please forgive me for how I have wronged you so. You can make me stop worrying about what I did, and what I might do in the future. I know you hurt. But everything you ever said to me will stay with me forever. And I hope everything I said to you will stay with you forever. You are beautiful. You are a good person. You are going to have a great life. I will always being watching out for you. I will always be loving you. Every second of your life. One day we will meet again. But do as I say, not as I do, Michelle. Be happy. Be loved. Live. For me. Love Always and Forever,  
Craig  
  
As she read the note, she could hear Craig's voice in her head, reading it to her. She got it. She finally got it. She was about to get up and throw the envelope away when she felt something hard in it. She pulled it out. It was a picture. Of her and Craig sleeping on the couch she was currently sitting on. She called for Joey. As she held the picture, she gave him a questioning look.  
  
"Angie and I…took pictures of you when we found you one day. I guess Craig found them before I got a chance to show him." Joey was choking up. He left the room. Michelle looked over the picture. Her sleeping form resting on Craig's sleeping form was the greatest thing she had ever seen. She ran her fingers across the picture, and then held it to her heart. She put the letter and picture back inside the envelope, then went and put it in her coat pocket. Caitlin came into sight holding Angie's hand.  
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
"I'll never be ready," Michelle muttered.  
  
Joey came back into sight. They all grabbed their coats and headed for Joey's car. Angela sat with Michelle in the back, holding her hand. No one spoke on the ride to the church. The snow had mostly melted, so it was slushy. But it was still cold out. They pulled into the parking lot of a small church. Reluctantly, they all climbed out of the car, Michelle starting to tear up again as she did so. She still hadn't stopped crying, and she wondered if she ever would. The all stood in front of the church, taking deep breaths. Michelle grabbed Angie's hand, Angie grabbed Joey's hand, and Joey' grabbed Caitlin's hand. They walked up the steps of the stairs, hands held for moral support. As they entered the church, Michelle took in the scene. No one was seated yet. A lot of people were there. All talking, but not loudly. Michelle looked up front. A large school picture of Craig and a floral arrangement were on a table. There was also a coffin. An open coffin. HIS open coffin. Everyone stopped talking when they entered the church. They walked to the front. The family always sits in the front pew, and Michelle was considered family. They were seated. Everyone else followed suit. Michelle could see the side of Craig's face from where she was. She didn't bother to wipe her eyes, it wouldn't make her stop crying. Nothing would. Michelle didn't really listen on what the priest was saying. She tried, but she couldn't focus on anything except the thought and sight of the love of her life, dead. Every now and then she clued in on the words "God" "Righteous" "Forever Being" "Craig Manning" "Loved" "Devoted" "Better Place" but that's about it. She didn't need to listen. She knew what the priest would say. How God acts in mysterious ways, and how Craig was a good guy. But he didn't know Craig. Not the way Michelle did. Not at all. She heard her name, and looked at the priest. He nodded, signifying it was time for her to go up there. She stood. And silently walked up the four steps, and stood behind the podium the priest had been behind a minute before. She could hear people gasp at the sight of her. She knew how she looked. Tired, too thin.  
  
"I…I haven't slept in three days. I Haven't eaten either. Really, the only…the only thing I've done is cry. I didn't think it was possible to cry forever, but now I realize it just might be. I also didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I loved….still love, Craig. I never knew really happiness until I was with him. And every moment we were together, was….they were indescribable moments. And I would give my life to have them back. But things don't work like that. Craig made some mistakes in his life. They were forgivable mistakes," Michelle looked up, and saw Manny and Ashley walk in silently. Then it hit her. They did it. It was them. He was dead, because of them. She continued with a force unknown to man kind. "But some people wouldn't forgive him. Some people made sure that he suffered." She looked right at them, now directing her speech to them. "What was the last thing you said to him, you conniving bitch?" Everyone turned to see who Michelle was looking at. Manny and Ashley were standing near the door. " Huh? What was it? Oh wait, didn't you tell him that everyone would be better off if he had never moved here? Thanks Ashley, thanks a lot. I hope you're happy. Look at the people in this church. You want to talk about ruining lives? You ruined all of theirs. You ruined mine. You ruined Joey's. You ruined poor Angela's. You want to know the last thing I said to him? I told him I loved him. I told him that every day. Because he needed to hear it. He needed to know he was loved. And he was. More than he will ever know. More than anyone will ever know." Michelle stepped down. She started walking at a brisk pace, straight to where Ashley and Manny were standing. She stood in front of Ashley, her vision blurred from the tears.  
  
"I hope this hangs over your head forever."  
  
"Michelle, I'm so-"  
  
Michelle wouldn't hear it. She swung. And when her fist connected with Ashley's face, Michelle didn't feel two of her knuckles fracture. But you can bet Ashley felt her cheek bone crack as she went stumbling backwards. Michelle left it at that. She slowly walked back to her seat as she heard the doors open and close, knowing Manny and Ashley had left. A half hour later, they were outside. For the burial portion. Again, the priest talked. It didn't register with Michelle. She just stood there. Looking down. Knowing Craig was six feet under in a box, and soon the hole would be filled up with dirt. One by one, people left. they left until only Michelle, Angela, Caitlin, and Joey were there standing. The Caitlin took Angela home.  
  
"Michelle. We should go." Joey said.  
  
"No. I can't."  
  
"Michelle, he isn't going anywhere."  
  
"Tell me something I don't know."  
  
"It will stop hurting."  
  
"Go home to your family, Joey."  
  
"I can take you home if you ne-"  
  
"Joey. Go."  
  
He understood. Joey had been the same way when his wife died. He left her. Everyone was gone. Just Michelle, standing at the side of Craig's freshly dug grave.  
  
"They left me too, Craig. People don't only leave you. They leave me. You left me. Why? Why did you leave me? Didn't you think about what it would do to me? How it would tear me down? You make me want to hate you. But I can't. I love you too much."  
  
She kissed her hand and the placed her hand in his engraved name. 


	12. I'm Ready

Michelle climbed out of bed. It was her first day of summer vaction. She went over to her night stand and picked up the picture of her and Craig. She kissed it. In her mind, she said a quick prayer, like she always did. She took a shower, got dressed, and went downstairs to have breakfast. She sat at the table as her mom put a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of her.  
  
"Don't forget you have an appointement at 9:30 with doctor-"  
  
"I know mom. I've been going every Thursday for four months. I don't ever forget."  
  
"Okay honey."  
  
After Michelle finished her breakfast, she went up to her room and kind of just sat there. She did that a lot. She liked getting away from people so she could think. The first month or so after Craig died was really hard on her. Food was pretty much forced down her throat, and people were weird around her at school. Weird meaning, everyone was "friends" with her. But they weren't really her friends. They were giving her false sympathy. No one was really there to help her deal with what she was going through. She went to the Jeramiah house very often, spending a lot of time with Angela, joey, and Caitlin. She got very close to them over the past few months, but sometimes they couldn't even help. Emma tried. Emma tried really hard. But she didn't get very far. Michelle tried turning to God. But when she didn't get a response, she gave that up. So…she deal with it herself. She talks to Craig a lot. It comforts her. As she sat there on her bed, just thinking, her mom called up the stairs.  
  
"Michelle, it's time for your appointment!"  
  
"Okay mom. I'm going to walk, if that is okay."  
  
"Fine. See you in a few hours."  
  
Michelle went to a small building next to the hospital. She went up to the third floor and sat down in a waiting room. Five minutes later, Dr. Larson was ready for her.  
  
"So, Michelle. I've seen you once a week every week for four months. You're mental stability has improved greatly. As you know, there were a handful of times where we feared we were going to lose you. How do you feel?"  
  
"I feel….ready."  
  
"Ready for what?"  
  
"What we discussed."  
  
"Oh. I have to say I didn't expect you to be ready this early. Today?"  
  
"Today."  
  
"I'm very proud of you. You have been coming to me voluntarily, I'm rpoud of that, too."  
  
"I don't think I need to see you anymore, Dr. Larson."  
  
Dr. Larson smiled.  
  
"I don't think you need to see me anymore, either, Michelle."  
  
"Is this goodbye, then?"  
  
"I guess it is."  
  
They stood. Michelle gave Dr. Larson a hug.  
  
"you are a wonderful psychiatrist."  
  
"And you are a wonderful person. You can always come back to see me. Good luck today. "  
  
"Thank you." Michelle smiled. She left the office. She exited the building, and started walking. Her destination wasn't far. She first stopped at the floral shop, and bought a dozen white roses. Then she continued to walk up a large hill, and turned left, onto a pathway. She walked through the open gates. She weaved around the large objects until she got to the one she was looking for. It read: CRAIG MANNING 1988-2004 LOVED BY MANY, REMBERED BY ALL  
  
Michelle had a large part in picking out the phrase that went on it. She put the flowers down in front of the tombstone.  
  
"Hi, Craig. Today is the ninety-fifth day I have had to live without you. I still miss you. And you know I still love you. I tell you that everyday. Today I had another appointment with doctor Larson. It was my last. I don't need to go see her anymore. I didn't go to your house yet, but I plan to very soon. I wrote something for you." Michelle pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. She started to cry, but in a controlled way. She recited what was on the paper. "I came to tell you something today, I'm telling you that I'm going away. I just can't come see you anymore, this is it, I'm closing the door. Being here brings back so much pain, and as I say this I feel so vain. But I've been faithful everyday, when a guy wants to see me I chase him away. Everyday I stand here, so many tears fall. But it doesn't matter to you, you can't see me at all. Long ago, I gave you everything I had. But then you left me, I was so mad. Being mad at you, I know it was wrong. But I had so much hate, that I have kept all along. Like I said, I will not return. Everything I'm feeling, I have to let it burn. I trace my fingers slowly, Across your engraved name. Since you were taken from me, nothing has been the same. I laid flowers down for you, And I begin to cry. Because I am here, to whisper my last goodbye."  
  
Michelle put down the piece of paper, under the flowers so it wouldn't blow away. She ran her hand across this name which she held as dearly as her own one last time. She stood up and turned to leave. As she took her first steps away, the wind picked up. 'I know you're there, Craig', She thought. 'I still love you. Always. Forever.' The wind blew her tears down the side of her face, and when they dropped off, the wind carried them behind her, placing them on Craig Manning's grave. Michelle started walking again. She sighed, and smiled at the thought of Craig being there with her.  
  
"…good-bye…"  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: thanks for reading and reviewing. I had a hard time writing the last three chapters, I cried the whole time, lol. Like I said, thanks! (the end) 


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